Trust and Honesty: How it Affects You

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All of us, at one stage or other, have experienced a situation in which we have found ourself not trusting another person. This could have been someone we have known for a while, built that trust, and because of some reason, trust was lost.

Unfortunately though, occasionally not trusting someone else also includes those we have known for a while. Doubts begin to creep into our thinking about their motivation and behaviour, and these can begin to have a major impact on the relationship, for our behaviour in relation to the other person will begin to be different. This is what’s happening for me right now.

It is interesting to note that when we find ourself not being comfortable with another person, regardless of the circumstances, we are not always able to articulate what this discomfort is about. What we experience is a strong gut feeling or hunch, which we are not able to explain. You will find your self not acting “normally” and you feel out of place. The way you talk, act, think will be different.

Not trusting someone means that we do not have full confidence in them and consequently we are not interested in pursuing a relationship with them. anymore or further. Even if the circumstances dictate we need to spend some time in their company, we might find ourselves very wary of them and limit how we engage with them.

So far the emphasis has been on the negative side of trust, or to be more precise, lack of trust. But what about when we do trust people? What happens to us when we trust people and what is different for us when we don’t trust people?

It would seem that when we trust someone, be it personally and/or professionally, we are willing to enter into a relationship with them. In a trusting relationship we are willing to conduct ourselves differently, engage in a wider range of actions, and also to be more open to a variety of experiences.

The degree to which we trust someone has a major bearing on the type and relationship we will form with them. Relationships are a fundamental part of our existence. In fact, a substantial part of our existence can be thought of as co-existence, as we live and work together with a range of people.

Much of our existence, and the quality of our living, is associated with the quality of our relationships. We exist within a network of relationships, and the quality of these relationships determines the sense of satisfaction, achievement, enjoyment and fulfilment we assess ourself to be experiencing. Much of meaning in life is bound up with our relationships and the associated experiences.

We learn through our experiences in both positive and negative relationships. Positive relationships provide much of what is important for us to have a meaningful existence, They provide the context to have conversations, and it is through conversations that we are able to accomplish important things, and to grow and learn together

Much of our suffering – be it individually, as a family, through work, or in general – comes from not having the relationships and conversations which are vital for us, and indeed, which we yearn for. Unfortunately, because of previous experiences, some people find it more difficult than others to develop trusting relationships.

Trust enables relationships to develop and flourish. When trust erodes, the relationship deteriorates. Doubts, which can creep into our thinking about the behaviour of the other person, can act like a poison and a cancer, quickly spreading to sabotage the relationship. Mistrust has a devastating impact on relationships and on the types and quality of conversations that will occur.

While trust is an indispensable component of positive and productive relationships, unfortunately it is something that can all too easily be taken for granted. We may only become aware of its importance when we feel trust has been broken.

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Ladies: The Truth About Men and What They Really Want In A Women!!!

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Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn’t worked.

Okay so what is a man seeking?

  • First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
  • Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren’t necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don’t like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don’t believe any man who says otherwise.
  • Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman’s character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
  • Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
  • Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
  • Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is ‘one of the boys’. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
  • Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn’t make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn’t necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don’t. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
  • Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
  • Men don’t like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
  • Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they’re in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
  • Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn’t there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
  • Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn’t take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
  • Men don’t want to be alone.

This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don’t necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
As for me, I still haven’t found “Mr Right,” and I wish he would come around and sweep me in his arms, but till then, I will keep my head up and remember that the next guy that comes around that “tickles my fancy,” I will keep this in mind. 🙂